i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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