based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Randomize
