After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
