I think i sorta joined a cult last night
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
