these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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