she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
