Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
