my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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