First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
