I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
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I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
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Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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