Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
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