Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
