And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
