I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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