How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
