Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
