Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
