my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
