so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
