did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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