Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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