Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
