i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
