I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
