The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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