Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
