You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
