Your dad touched me again.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
