Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
