I feel great
I just peed on a car
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
