just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
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Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
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I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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