It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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