the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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