Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
