walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I need a burrito and a hug.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
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