so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
