I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
