I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
