We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
