every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize