I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
