I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
