butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
