Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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