Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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