why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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