So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
