my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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