I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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