So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
