I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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