Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Randomize
