I think i peed on brittanys purse
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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