i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
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My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
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My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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