He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
