he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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