A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
