How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
