hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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