bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i think i have herpe
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
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my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
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I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.