your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going