I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?