Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
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Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
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that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero