community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Sorry about my life...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.