omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.