I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
