nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
