I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
