I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
