he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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