pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
