I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
