Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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