my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize