I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
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I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
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I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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