JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
meet me or not, i'm out of control
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
